i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
