i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
