when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize
