i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
