How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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