you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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