Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
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