your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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