I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
