Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Pants 0. Shit 1.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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