I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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