I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
