i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize