So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
