His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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