Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
