She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
