I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
