I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
