Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
