Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
The air was thick with penises
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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