Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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