Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
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