just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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