ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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