I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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