Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
