fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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