Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
