i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize