he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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