I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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