Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
