i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
