Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
