i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
