I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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