I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
did you just send me my own nude
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
