I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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