One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Randomize
