TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
