I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
