Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
wakey wakey hands off snakey
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
