YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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