Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
