My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I think I sprained my soul last night
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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