she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
