Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize