IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize