I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
