I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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