My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
