she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize