Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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