Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
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