God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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