I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize