Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
