I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
