Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
