I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
