I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
