Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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