end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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