you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
