she was so not down for the gang bang
You can't motorboat a personality
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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