Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
