you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
