Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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