Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
