Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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