so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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