so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
