No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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