So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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