Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
